Relax and enjoy funny marriage jokes and lol
The husband returns home one day and tells his wife, "Hi Honey, look, I've bought the new Rolling Stones CD."
"Why did you do that?, We don't even have a CD player!" replied the wife ..
And husband says "So what ... have i ever asked why you keep on buying bras?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
- The dog, He'll shut up once you let him in.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.
Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone.
He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags, I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."
His wife say, "That's wonderful, What should I pack for .... Europe, Asia, the Caribbean?"
He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself,
when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
Man: "What was that for?"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"
Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?, Marylou was the name of one of the horse I bet on."
The Wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
Man: "What the hell was that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called."
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
-------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'We ll that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on
it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name
of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the
head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
The husband returns home one day and tells his wife, "Hi Honey, look, I've bought the new Rolling Stones CD."
"Why did you do that?, We don't even have a CD player!" replied the wife ..
And husband says "So what ... have i ever asked why you keep on buying bras?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
- The dog, He'll shut up once you let him in.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.
Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone.
He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags, I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."
His wife say, "That's wonderful, What should I pack for .... Europe, Asia, the Caribbean?"
He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself,
when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
Man: "What was that for?"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"
Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?, Marylou was the name of one of the horse I bet on."
The Wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
Man: "What the hell was that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called."
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
-------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'We ll that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on
it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name
of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the
head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
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